13 Things by Amy Morin – Chapter 4

“They Don’t Focus on Things They Can’t Control”

Being in control is empowering – but can also reduce the power your have over your life (like Maya Angelou hints at in her quote). I know I like when I have things under my control, but sometimes things aren’t really mine to control. This chapter delves into why and how mentally strong people don’t focus on uncontrollable factors in their lives and the benefits of doing so. I hope you enjoy this post and let your happy and healthy adventure take its course. 🙂 ❤

Problems with trying to control everything (77-78):

  • Trying to maintain complete control leads to increased anxiety
  • Attempting to control everything wastes time and energy
  • Being a control freak damages relationships
  • You’ll judge others harshly
  • You’ll unnecessarily blame yourself for everything

“By focusing on what you can control, it is much easier to let go of worrying about what you can’t” (82).

This is difficult to do, especially if you worry about everything (I’m guilty of this). But, it’s important to remember that you can only control you – that should be your focus in regards to control, not other people or situations.

Strategies to influence others without forcing change (83-84):

  • Listen first, speak second
  • Share your opinion and concerns, but only share it once
  • Change your behavior
  • Point out the positive

“Even though you might not like the situation you’re in, you can choose to accept it” (85).

You can decide whether to react or act toward any situation, and how you are going to do so.

Benefits (87-88):

  • Increased happiness
  • Better relationships
  • Less stress
  • New opportunities
  • More success

What’s Helpful (88-89):

  • Delegating tasks and responsibilities to other people
  • Asking for help when you need it
  • Focusing on solving problems that are within your control
  • Keeping the emphasis on influencing others rather than controlling them
  • Thinking balanced thoughts about what is within your control and what isn’t
  • Not relying on yourself for the entire outcome

What’s NOT Helpful (89-90):

  • Insisting on doing everything because no one else can do it right
  • Choosing to do everything on your own because you think you should be able to accomplish things without help
  • Spending time trying to figure out how to change things that are likely beyond your direct control
  • Trying to force other people to do what you think they should do, regardless of how they feel
  • Only thinking about what you can do to make things turn out the way you want
  • Taking full responsibility for the end result without acknowledging other factors that influence the outcome

 

Featured image from womenforone.com

 

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