13 Things by Amy Morin – Chapter 2

“They Don’t Give Away Their Power”

“Retaining your power is about being confident in who you are and the choices you make, despite the people around you and the circumstances you’re in” (37).

One of my favorite sayings is “You do you.” Be yourself and don’t let others extinguish your confidence. I hope you enjoy this post and your happy and healthy adventure. šŸ™‚ ā¤

“Anytime you don’t set healthy emotional and physical boundaries for yourself, you risk giving away your power to other people” (37).

Setting boundaries is difficult, especially with those we are closest to. However, boundary setting is necessary in order for you to keep your confidence and not let other people take your power. Here are the problems with giving away your power (39):

  • You depend on others to regulate your feelings
  • You let other people define your self-worth
  • You avoid addressing the real problem
  • You become a victim of your circumstances
  • You become highly sensitive to criticism
  • You lose sight of your goals
  • You ruin relationships

“But if you have a strong enough sense of self-worth, you’ll learn that you can tolerate the repercussions” (40).

Something I learned from a coaching friend is that you can’t please everyone and you aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea. You have to be yourself, have confidence in yourself, love yourself, and know that you are worthy of all of those things. If you give in to people that don’t believe the same for you but have a strong sense of self-worth, you’ll be able to ignore the haters and tolerate their backlash.

“Retaining your power is about evaluating feedback to determine if it has any validity” (45).

This is another way of saying “constructive criticism.” If it’s just opinionated criticism based on emotions, it’s not helpful. But evaluating feedback (criticism) and seeing if it has any validity (constrictive) is important in regards to holding your power.

“There are very few things in life you haveĀ to do, but often we convince ourselves we don’t have a choice. […] Simply reminding yourself that you have a choice in everything you do, think, and feel can be very freeing” (46-47).

You are the master of your life, you have a say in every part of your life-you’re the only one with that power.

“When you decide that no one else has the power to control how you feel, you’ll experience empowerment” (47).

How retaining your power helps you become mentally strong (48):

  • You’ll develop a better sense of who you are when you’re able to make choices based on what’s best for you instead of what will prevent the most repercussions
  • When you take responsibility for your own behavior, you’ll become accountable for your progress toward your goals
  • You will never be pressured into doing something that you don’t want to do based on guilt trips or what you think other people want you to do
  • You’ll be able to devote your time and energy to things you choose
  • Retaining your personal power reduces your risk of depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues

What’s helpful (50):

  • Using language that acknowledges your choice
  • Setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries with people
  • Behaving proactively by making conscious choices about how you’ll respond to others
  • Taking full responsibility for how you choose to spend your time and energy
  • Choosing to forgive individuals regardless of whether they seek to make amends
  • Willingness to examine feedback and criticism without jumping to conclusions

What’s NOT helpful (50-51):

  • Using language that implies you’re a victim
  • Feeling anger and resentment toward people you allow to infringe on your rights
  • Reacting to others and then blaming them for the way you handled yourself
  • Doing things you don’t want to do and then blaming others for “making” you do it
  • Choosing to hold a grudge and harbor anger and resentment
  • Allowing feedback and criticism to control how you feel about yourself

 

 

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